Related to cross cultural views of rape, what is a reason rape is committed in other cultures?
A gamer who's just won pumps their fist in commemoration.
( Content notice: rape, mention of beingness drugged)
Fifty-fifty though we oft retrieve of rape culture as existence perpetuated by direct deportment – similar grabbing someone without their permission, pushing too far in a sexual state of affairs, or insisting that a non-consensual act was totally consensual – nosotros don't always think about how our casual, everyday linguistic communication plays into it.
It wasn't until I was joking around with some friends and someone said, "I thought he was going to rape me," in a lighthearted tone that I realized our words contribute to rape civilisation, too.
As a rape and sexual set on survivor, I felt uncomfortable. Was it supposed to be funny that my friend had unwanted romantic and sexual advances? Patently, the trauma of beingness raped is never actually funny.
My friends and I consider ourselves feminists, but I felt bad-mannered. How should I react?
I forced a laugh, but it felt insincere not to talk nigh the way this seemingly insignificant exchange plays into rape culture.
While my friends consider actual rape jokes taboo and are by and large cautious of our language to actively fight against sexism and other forms of systemic oppression, for some reason, we hadn't really talked about some of the nearly common, casual phrases that carry the weight of sexual violence and rape culture.
Every bit activists, nosotros need to investigate the linguistic communication we use (especially when it contributes to systemic oppression) and actively work to utilize language that empowers people (particularly marginalized folks) and advocates for enthusiastic consent.
Here are a few everyday examples of language that supports rape civilization that nosotros should all remove from our vocabulary.
i. 'Fuck You' and 'Suck My Dick'
Any language that associates sexual violence with anger promotes rape culture.
Phrases like this, which are usually used when we're angry at or disagree with someone, send the message that it's okay to force sexual violence on them.
It'south not okay to spreading the idea that someone deserves sexual violence if they acrimony u.s.a. enough.
2. 'I Merely Raped That (Substantive)'
When you use the word "rape" equally a stand-in for "winning," it non just de-legitimizes actual rape (which is a offense and can be an extremely traumatic experience for survivors), only it also equates sexual violence with being victorious .
If you use it in the opposite context – "That game raped me!" and the similar – it makes low-cal of rape and insinuates that the perpetrator (the game) was victorious because it committed sexual violence against you.
Both of these examples make it seem like sexual violence is a positive outcome for the perpetrator.
When survivors hear language like this, we know to be on baby-sit. Information technology may seem similar a harmless mention, but information technology could be triggering and it absolutely downplays the seriousness of rape.
3. 'Boys Will Be Boys'
This 1 might seem more than tied to sexism and patriarchy, merely if we look closely, nosotros also see that it contributes to rape culture .
When we say things like "Boys will exist boys," or anything that dismisses problematic behavior (commonly by cisgender men ), nosotros're reinforcing the thought that if boys commit sexual violence or act against someone'due south consent, they won't be punished .
4. 'She's a Slut/Whore' and 'What Is She Wearing?' (Among Other Examples of Sexual practice-Shaming)
Equally well as contributing to sexism and sexual activity-shaming (besides usually known as "slut-shaming"), these phrases serve to place the blame entirely on women and femmes for the way they're dressed – and consequently, for anything that happens to them.
These are commonly used in victim-blaming after a rape or sexual assault, to advise that the survivor deserved what happened to them because their clothes were "asking for it."
5. 'They Friendzoned Me!'
First of all, the "friend zone" isn't a real affair, and information technology's also a concept that's based entirely in rape culture .
The "friend zone" assumes that because a person (commonly a man or masculine, just non always) asks to be romantic or sexual with someone (usually a adult female or femme), they should exist able to – and that if the person being pursued suggests they merely be friends instead of dating or having sex activity, they're "friendzoning" the asker.
This one's extremely common in media portrayals, to the betoken where we ofttimes reward the person who is being "friendzoned" by sympathizing and hoping the other person will modify their mind.
If someone doesn't desire a romantic or sexual relationship, that's completely fine, and we shouldn't invalidate that consent by saying things like, "Merely he's such a Nice Guy ! Why won't you become out with him?"
6. All Rape Jokes
Unsurprisingly, any joke that uses rape as a punchline or a "gotcha" is built on the back of rape culture.
Rape is a serious deed of violence and not something to be joked near, especially because these jokes can be triggering for survivors.
While I'thousand lucky that people in my close circumvolve don't typically make rape jokes , I still hear them on a regular ground in movies, on Tv, at comedy shows , and when I'thousand out in public.
As a survivor, even a small rape joke tin can remind me of the traumatic experience – especially if the joke has anything to do with the victim existence immobile, drugged, or unconscious, since that's what happened to me – and send me into an episode of PTSD .
Even if you're non at all concerned that a survivor is nearby (and you should exist, based on the high statistics of how many people are survivors) rape jokes depend on rape civilisation to be "funny."
Yous're essentially finding humor in the idea of taking away someone's consent – and that's not okay, full stop.
7. 'That Person Is Going to Rape and/or Drug Me'
This is an example of everyday rape civilisation linguistic communication that I can admit to having used and later on eliminated from my vocabulary. I remember saying this before I was sexually assaulted, and condign starkly enlightened of it every time this type of language came up in casual conversation after.
Generally, these phrases are associated with unwanted romantic and sexual advances from others, which makes them even more sinister beneath the surface.
I've heard friends say things similar this when they're dealing with unwanted attending, but they (unremarkably) don't actually mean they're afraid of literal sexual violence from the person they're talking about.
In these instances, rape is conflated to a humorous stop consequence of an unwanted advance.
In some ways, we may use these jokes because nosotros recognize on some level that unwanted advances can turn into sexual violence quickly and that not every potential sexual partner will retain our enthusiastic consent .
But when nosotros say these things, nosotros're delegitimizing actual sexual violence and making information technology harder for people to speak up when their consent is violated.
eight. 'I Know You lot Want It'
Normally used in romantic and sexual settings, but likewise sometimes as a joke among friends, "I know you desire it" implies that someone's enthusiastic affirmative consent doesn't matter because you can "just tell" that they're consenting.
This takes consent away from the person it'south being said about and places the power in the hands of the speaker.
Consent includes exact and non-verbal communication . We shouldn't normalize the false idea that yous can "just tell" if someone consents when they haven't communicated that they want to accept sexual activity.
9. 'Why Don't Y'all Want Me?'
This phrase – or any linguistic communication that shames someone for not giving their consent or pressures them into saying yes so that they won't injure the speaker's feelings – supports rape culture.
Usually, the phrase "Why don't you lot want me?" is associated with fear on the speaker's behalf: fright that considering enthusiastic consent for sex activity isn't given, that person is completely uninterested sexually.
This assumes that if someone doesn't want sex at any given moment – whether it's because they autumn on the asexual spectrum, they aren't feeling well, or they're just patently decorated – they don't value the person they've turned down. Information technology associates sex with liking or loving someone, and that's not okay.
Being rejected by a potential sexual partner may not feel awesome. It might injure.
But this is a great time to find a healthier mode to bargain with rejection, instead of using it every bit an alibi to feel entitled to sex activity and shame the person who isn't interested.
The phrase and similar iterations are and then embedded into our cultural view of relationships that, even within consensual and feminist relationships, information technology tin be difficult to get rid of the idea that consenting to sex = valuing a person, while non consenting = not valuing them.
10. All Examples of Catcalling
Catcalling upholds the idea that women and femmes are objects to be desired and that catcallers have the right to objectify them.
So many people dismiss catcalling as a " compliment ."
The idea that catcalling is harmless – or even a positive experience – shows that rape culture expects masculine folks to do or say whatever they desire regarding femme folks' bodies without consequence.
When nosotros say that catcalling is harmless, nosotros're actually reinforcing rape culture, because we're silencing women and femmes after they experience sexual harassment.
11. 'You're a Tease'
Just like the above forms of sex-shaming, implying that someone's a tease contributes to rape civilisation – considering it implies that they "should" be making themselves available for sex.
Consent for sex tin can be taken away or amended at any fourth dimension, regardless of previous consent or a sustained sexual human relationship. T here'due south absolutely nada incorrect with someone if they modify their mind .
12. 'I'll Convince You lot'
Any language that implies someone tin be convinced or coerced into sex or romance reinforces the idea that we don't ain our enthusiastic consent and that our consent is not truly ours – that it tin can exist "won" by a convincing party at whatsoever fourth dimension.
xiii. 'Requite Me a Hug' (Or Any Language Implying That Y'all're Obligated to Touch on Someone)
This is most ofttimes used in familial settings , and virtually of the states have probably heard it before – especially from older relatives who insist that information technology's rude if nosotros don't requite physical amore on need.
Whatever language that implies someone has to impact anyone else without their consent – sexual or otherwise – plays into rape culture. Even though it may seem harmless (after all, what's wrong with giving your grandma a buss on the cheek at a family party?), it teaches us from a young age that our bodies and our consent are not our own.
Nosotros learn that maxim no is rude – so if we don't feel comfortable touching someone, nosotros'd better get over it.
But different kids accept different boundaries, and information technology'southward not okay to assume that their only reason for saying no (or for setting boundaries, menses) is a lack of manners.
It may also unintentionally teach kids that sexual violence against them is okay.
If they're being forced to hug a relative at the holidays, they may non know the difference if they're later the victim of sexual abuse, or they may not have the language to speak up about it.
14. 'I Scored' or 'I Got Information technology In'
Linguistic communication that'due south used when a person (typically a cisgender man because of the gender role he'due south socialized to fit , simply non ever) "convinces" someone into sexual activity plays into the idea that consent is something that can be won.
This is a claim that even if sex was gained through some kind of convincing, manipulation, or compulsion – which are examples of sexual violence, even though many people don't realize information technology– it's a positive consequence.
These phrases also objectify the person that the speaker had sex with, turning them and their body into a prize that'south upwardly for the taking or a game to exist won.
***
Fifty-fifty though we may think of sexual violence every bit an immediate concern, our linguistic communication says a lot most us – and nearly how our society upholds rape culture and systemic oppression.
When we use language that supports rape civilization, we're not working to actively dismantle it and we're not supporting survivors of sexual violence.
Language is then securely embedded into our culture that sometimes nosotros don't fifty-fifty notice nosotros're doing this.
When I was sexually assaulted for the commencement time, I thought about some of these common instances of insidious language. My aggressor was a friend who acted like they had a right to my torso and my affection, and who pulled the "friendzone" card and used my no to garner guilt nigh the rejection they felt.
For years after, I didn't fifty-fifty realize I had been assaulted because rape culture is so securely embedded into our civilisation and language that I couldn't tell the difference between that feel and a consensual ane.
Treating sexual violence every bit something that isn't a big deal or is in some style the survivor's mistake makes it even harder for survivors to exist believed, to receive adequate back up for healing, to get whatever resolution on a legal level (though, of course, incarceration alone volition non stop rape ), or to even realize that what happened to them isn't their fault.
It's no wonder survivors bargain with of all this when we're normalizing sexual violence in our everyday linguistic communication.
Until we piece of work to understand why these phrases are problematic and why they contribute to rape culture – and and then work to eliminate them from our vocabulary – we're contributing to the aforementioned system that takes away our right to enthusiastically consent.
Alaina Leary is a Contributing Writer for Everyday Feminism. She is a Bostonian currently studying for her MA in publishing at Emerson College. She'due south a disabled, queer activist and is on the social media squad at Nosotros Need Various Books . She tin can oft exist found re-reading her favorite books and covering everything in glitter. Yous can find her at her website or on Instagram and Twitter @alainaskeys. Read her articles here .
Source: https://everydayfeminism.com/2017/02/everyday-language-rape-culture/
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